I've been sitting at the desk for a while, wondering what to blog about. I sometimes wonder if what I think and feel are interesting to everyone, or if they are just some sort of side post that people will casually glance at while looking through for blogs with pictures. I think that I am going to take the time to blog about everything that I have been going through, because being an immigrant is not nearly as easy as I might make it seem sometimes. My life has its ups and downs just like everyone's. I think that its about time that I write about this. I feel like there are some things that I need to get out, even if just for my own record to look back on.
I will start with this: My journey has been long, and sometimes it has been really tough, BUT I do NOT regret it for a moment. I absolutely love Sweden, and am thankful for all the opportunities that I have been given by being here. It has been an absolutely amazing experience. I have met so many great friends, and learned so many new things. I think that moving here is the best decision that I could have ever made for myself. I have improved in nearly every way possible since I moved here, and I am so proud of everything that I have accomplished. I am so glad that you all, the readers, find my blog enjoyable, and I hope that this post doesn't deter you from following me in the future.
This post is going to get kind of personal, so unless you want to read more about my struggles here in Sweden, I suggest skipping this post.
I inserted that break in the hopes that those of you who did not want to read this post stopped reading, if not, I would suggest not reading any further.
I want to say this, I appreciate all the opportunities that I have been given, but life as an immigrant in Sweden is not all smiles and giggles. I absolutely have had my fair share of struggles since moving here. One of the first things that I had to adjust to was that not everyone was going to like me. I realize that might sound silly, but it took me a while to get used to not being able to make friends quickly. It wasn't necessarily because Swedish people are not friendly, they actually are very friendly. My personality might just be too big. I realized quickly that I am loud, a bit obnoxious, and sometimes overly friendly. Somehow, I still managed to find friends who accept me for who I am.
One of the next things that I have found is that I was definitely out of shape, especially when you compare me with the average Swedish woman. I have found that it is EXTREMELY difficult to find affordable fashionable clothes in my size. I also found out that even though since the beginning of my journey last January I have lost about 45 lbs, I am STILL extremely big. So big in fact that my doctor had suggested weight loss surgery. That is a scary thing to think about, especially when I am only 21 years old. I never considered myself big enough to even think about weight loss surgery. Back home, while I was large, I was never the largest of the population. I never had to worry about not being able to find clothes, and I certainly never had a doctor suggest weight loss surgery. I want to say now that: While I love the idea of losing weight quickly with the weight loss surgery, I definitely not considering it until I try to lose weight on my own first. If that doesn't work, then I will consider the surgery. Since hearing that from my doctor I have not only started a more regular exercise routine, I have seriously worked on my diet.
Sometimes it is harder than others to stick to the diet and exercise, BUT I am still improving every day. I have had an especially hard time keeping it since Anton lost his job. I had to buckle down and focus on getting a job myself, which I managed to get, BUT it is definitely not the job that I was expecting. (More on that later) I have also been struggling with how tough it is for me to find clothes, because I felt like I had nothing to wear to an interview. I came here with nearly nothing, because I could only bring once suitcase and one carry-on. The stuff that I did bring here did not last very long though, because I lost weight a lot quicker in the beginning of my journey than I did now. I now have a good amount of clothes, and I feel prepared to go on more job interviews in the future, for possibly better jobs.
I definitely got myself into a bit bigger of a situation than I thought with schooling. I found out that I can not apply for permanent residency until next year, which creates a bit of a situation for me, because that makes me unable to get student loans until I get granted residency. That would not have made it impossible to study, IF Anton had not lost his job. Because right now I am the "main" source of income (Even though if my hours stay the same at work, once Anton gets his unemployment he will be the main source of income) I need to be available to work any time that they call. This makes it extremely difficult for me to commit to a full time study program, because that could severely limit the hours that I am able to get at a job.
I originally thought I would be able to register straight for college, after taking a few extra Swedish classes. But it seems that the US education system, and the Swedish education system don't quite match up. I have completed high school back home in the US, which is great. Unfortunately, while my credits should match up here fine, the way to get those credits validated does not match up with the US education system. In the US your high school would send your grades directly to the schools that you want to attend. That, unfortunately is not how the system works in Sweden. My grades must first be sent to a validating company. That is where my problems lie. Because the schools in the US send the grades to colleges, and colleges here will not take my grades from them, I basically have to re-do my high school degree.
Although I must admit, I am not very angry about it, because I realize how great it will be for me to have a Swedish high school degree, as well as how great my Swedish will be by the end of those classes. I think that it will be better for me in the long run, although it means that it will take me at least an extra two years to get my degree. I am excited to see how much I learn and grow through out the entire process. I know that so far my Swedish has grown immensely while I took classes at folhögskola (folk high school) through the employment office.
I love the fact that I have a job, because it means that now I am paying taxes. That is something that I never thought I would be excited about. It is different for me to pay taxes here than back home. I actually feel as though my taxes are paying for something good here. I have actually benefited from tax money here already, which is why I am so excited to be able to pay some taxes back.
Since I moved here I have been able to go to the doctor enough that it is now free for me to go until September. I have been able to go to the doctor, get surgery on my toenails, and have meet with a dietitian. The surgery and the meeting with the dietitian are things that I could have never afforded in the US. I have also gotten compensated for being jobless, throughout my time here, through the employment office. That is also something that I would not have gotten back home. I am happy to pay taxes here, even though they are a bit higher, because they help make education possible for everyone, give everyone health care, and make sure that everyone has the possibly to live well.
Now on to my job. I appreciate that my boss has given me a chance to work, BUT I can't help but feel like because I am a foreigner they feel that they don't have to treat me well, because I am desperate to work. It definitely feels like they are discriminating against me. They promised me 5 hours a week on my contract, and as of now I have 0, and I had 0 last week. They hired me in as an employee but treat me as though I am extra help. Please don't get me wrong, my co-workers are fantastic, but I feel that the store is being terribly mismanaged.
After asking if I could request extra shifts, I will admit that I went a bit overboard and requested shifts until the middle of August. I get that might have been a bit much, BUT all the other newly hired employees had their schedule through the middle of July at that point, and I still had 0 hours on my schedule. After being denied those extra shifts, EVERY SINGLE ONE, I called in and asked what was going on, and if they were planning on firing me. I didn't want to be caught blindsided and get called in only to be fired. The person that I talked to was the assistant manager, I had not met her yet, she had no idea what was going on, but told me not to worry. I did happen to have one 4 hour shift on the schedule for that week that was the next day. I went in for the shift, and got nearly yelled at by the store manager. I got told that I was not going to get any more shifts than the 5 hours that I was granted until I show them how I work, and I got told that I was not allowed to call like I did before.
Not only had I worked the entire weekend before, without any training, I got no complaints from any level of management or customers during the time that I worked. I am still not sure what it was that I did during this time that did not show them that I work hard. I learned pretty quickly that I was not the same as others, I had only officially been employed there for one week at this point. I soon noticed more things that I did not think were acceptable at all.
Eventually I got fed up enough to call the corporate company, who connected me to the franchise manager. I brought up my concerns with him, and I was not impressed with the way that he handled things at all. My biggest concerns were the way that I was being treated as extra help, by not being scheduled at all and being expected to wait for them to call me or being expected to call myself and BEG for hours. Neither of which is an acceptable situation. I also told him that it definitely feels like I am being discriminated against, when other newly hired employees who have NO experience in retail, get hours and they can't even bother to put me on the schedule. They hold me to completely different standards than the other employees. The franchise boss had the audacity to laugh at me, and say that he doesn't believe that its discrimination, and that I need to call in to get added to the schedule. I questioned why we got no training. He said that we did receive training. (I do not call 4 hours of training on how to give a demonstration of magic markers counts as proper training) We did not receive an employee handbook, we did not receive any sort of training on what rules or policies the store has. I did not feel prepared at all on how they wanted us to handle customer interactions. I said that I did not think that 4 hours of demonstration training was enough, and his response to that was something that I find especially appalling. He said, "We do not have enough money or people to give any more training. We think that the training that you got is sufficient, you were trained how to use the register, and now you know at least one demonstration. That should be enough" To me that is absolutely unacceptable. If you do not have the money to properly train your employees you should not be in business.
Unfortunately this is the only job that I have even been considered for. I applied for jobs in every field. I can not even manage to get an interview. I am more than qualified to work as a dishwasher, or a server. My Swedish is at a good enough level that I could handle most basic jobs in retail, or the restaurant industry. I honestly believe that it is my non-Swedish name that is holding me back.
I feel that some Swedish people don't tend to trust immigrants, which might be warranted, because nearly every time I speak with someone in Swedish, they are VERY surprised to hear that I haven't even lived here a year. They think that I have been here at least 3 or 4. It seems as though they don't expect an immigrant to be as good at Swedish as I am, so they do not want to take the chance that I am like the others. I don't really know the proper way to handle this situation other than to keep applying, until something else comes along. Eventually I am sure that someone will give me a chance, and I will make them proud with how hard working I am. It might just take more time than I would like. Until then my plan is to go back to the employment agency and continue with my classes through them. That is really all I can do if I want to avoid being treated second rate.
There have definitely been days when I consider that I might have been better back home, but there has been so many good things that have happened that I always decide to stay. I absolutely love it here. I think that it will just take some time to adjust properly. I can not wait to see where my life takes me from here. I hope that you all as readers will stick with me through this. I am sure this won't be the only post that I have that is a bit of a complaint post, but I absolutely will keep posting about all the positive things that happen in my life as well.
I hope that my blog gives you a bit more of an insight as to what life is like as an immigrant, the good, the bad, and the ugly. (Although in my case there is almost always more good, and great, than bad and ugly) So now I am going to end this blog post as normal, If you have any further questions or comments, or if you are an immigrant yourself, and want to share your experiences, feel free to comment on the post below, I would love to hear from you!
Also: I want it on record that this is just how I feel based on my experiences, I have also met many fantastic Swedish people, and made many friends. Just because in certain situations I feel that some Swedish people don't trust immigrants, does not mean that I think that they do not trust them in other situations in life. To clarify my beliefs on that a bit, I just believe that some Swedish employers would rather hire someone who is Swedish, than someone who they do not know their level of Swedish, and their level of integration with the culture. It makes more sense for them to do that honestly, I can see why they do. It just sucks for me. I am in no way shape or form saying that, I believe that Swedes are racist. I do not believe that in general Swedes are racists. In most situations I have been welcomed in warmly.
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