Today's thoughts.

I've had kind of an up and down month so far. At the beginning of the month I was so down in the dumps, because sometimes I just miss home so much. But then I've also had some really great days, like when I got into SFI, and then basically got moved up a level within 2 days. This whole thing feels kind of a crazy experiment for me. Almost like how long can I last before I will just give up. Although for the record I have no intentions of ever giving up. I love it here, and have been thinking a lot lately about what exactly it is that I am trying to get out of this adventure.... and I guess that's where this blog post comes in. Its kind of a brainstorm of what I have been thinking lately.
 I think that I should begin with saying that my first and biggest goal at the moment is speaking Swedish. I cant imagine being able to survive here much longer if I don't get better at speaking. I am making strides, but its tough. Sometimes I just feel like this:

I just feel like I sound so silly when I speak, because I stumble a lot. I can write, and I have no doubt of that, but I for some reason have a very hard time thinking on my feet. I stumble, and forget words, pronounce things completely wrong, and have a hard time understanding what people are saying after that. Before I make a mistake, I can understand people, but then after I make a mistake, I get so nervous that they think that I am stupid, that I just kind of shut down. Sometimes I can't even think of the English words after that. I just smile and nod. It's not because I am stupid, its because I get nervous, and because I am trying to think of something intelligent to say.

My next big goal is to blog more. I feel that I have neglected my blog, because I have just been busy with school, and with adjusting to being here for good, and trying to get all the paperwork done, so that I can get a job as soon as possible. Things are a bit confusing to me, because I am still not that great at the language. I am working hard though so that I will get better as soon as I can.

Things have been a bit rough for me transitioning. I have had a lot of times when I thought about coming home, because I miss family and friends so much. I am learning to deal with those feelings though, and to think about all the positive things that are happening in my life, and have happened since I have been here.

I think that it is safe to say that I am adjusting pretty well to Swedish life though, I am able to communicate with people at a pretty basic level. I enjoy going to class, I am also learning to make new foods, using recipes in Swedish. I think we have a pretty good system for things. Anton does the dishes,  (with the exception of the cups.) and I cook, (With the exception of cutting the raw meat). We split the rest of the cleaning around the house pretty evenly depending on what is done.

I've managed to start making some friends here. I think that is one thing that I am pretty good at. I like to think that I am a pretty friendly person. It still is a bit difficult for me to speak with people in Swedish, but I am getting better, and since a lot of people her speak English, its not that bad! Anton and I have actually had one of my friends over for dinner already! Its a lot of fun to have people over! Although we unfortunately don't have a couch yet, we have plenty of chairs. Since we started getting the food boxes we have plenty of good food options to choose from to impress guests with!

I will be posting some more pictures eventually. I am just trying to get all my thoughts together right now. I have a lot more to talk about, but for now this post is just kind of a giant mix of everything that I have been dealing with.

It definitely has been a challenge being here so far, I am sure that things will get easier as time goes by. I have learned so much about life, and about myself during this  whole process, and I really think that it has been great so far, and that only more great things are coming.